


A Very Dursley Christmas

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Friendship, Hogwarts Era, Second War with Voldemort, The Quidditch Pitch: From Diagon Alley to Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-23
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2018-10-26 13:11:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10787376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Dudley partakes of too much Christmas cheer.  Set inHarry Potter and the Order of the Phoenixtime frame.





	A Very Dursley Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

             Dudley hoped he could make it home and up to his bedroom without encountering his parents or Aunt Marge.  He and Piers had spent the evening sampling various alcoholic beverages left over from the Christmas party Mr. Polkiss had given for his office staff.  Piers was now passed out on the floor of his bedroom.  Dudley was slowly making his way back to Privet Drive; no easy task because the sidewalk kept moving.  There also seemed to be a rumbling volcano in his stomach.  

 

            “Dudley should have been home long ago,” Aunt Marge frowned, glancing at the clock.  “Where did you say he went?” 

 

            “He and his friend Piers are helping the church deliver food baskets to the poor,” Petunia explained.

 

            “Such fine lads, to be so concerned for the less fortunate in our community,” Vernon beamed.

 

            . On her way back from the kitchen, Petunia heard Dudley at the door.  

            

            “Here he is now,” she trilled.  “Diddykins, Aunt Marge arrived while you were out.  She’s very eager to see you.”

 

            “Need the toilet,” Dudley muttered, swallowing hard.  He headed for the stairs, but his mother steered him into the lounge.  The bright lights on the Christmas tree hurt his eyes.  He tried to focus on what the others were saying to him, but something had gone wrong with his hearing.          

 

            “Diddy?  Are you listening?  What do you say to your aunt?” Petunia asked sharply.  

 

            “Huh?” Dudley mumbled, swallowing hard again.     

 

            “Marge wants you to open her gift now,” Vernon explained.  “It’s the very latest--.”

 

            “Don’t spoil the surprise, Vernon!” Aunt Marge boomed, pushing a brightly-wrapped flat box into Dudley’s clammy hands.  “I confess I know nothing about them, but your parents said you wanted one.  Happy Christmas!”  

 

            The volcano in his stomach prepared to erupt.  Dudley dropped the box and clapped his hand over his mouth.  It was like trying to stop a tsunami with a sandbag.  His mother screamed as he spewed all over the floor.  There was an ominous crunch as his foot came in contact with Aunt Marge’s gift.  

 

            “He’s been drinking!” Aunt Marge shouted, wrinkling her nose in disgust. 

 

            “Diddy!  How could you?” Petunia wailed.  “Oh, what a mess!”

 

            “Upstairs, now!” Vernon roared.  “Consider yourself grounded for the remainder of the holidays.”

 

            Christmas morning was anything but merry.  Despite a thorough cleaning, the lounge still reeked of sick.  Aunt Marge departed in a huff; furious because the laptop computer she had given Dudley was beyond repair.  Vernon telephoned Mr. Polkiss and accused Piers of corrupting Dudley.  Petunia was too upset to cook dinner; their Christmas feast consisted of sandwiches and canned soup.  Dudley felt so ill that he didn’t mind being confined to his room.  He gazed sadly at the empty space where the laptop computer he had wanted so badly would have gone.      

            

 


End file.
